Score: 10

"Firmly Stuck In My Head"

submission: Get on My Horse

date: December 9, 2009

I started giggling when the song started, choked on my drink at the unexpected horse dong, and couldn't breathe at the best comeback ever, "Shut up woman, git on mah horse!" Now I keep breaking into songs about magical horses and lemonade at random moments.

Score: 6

"I see where you were going with this."

submission: the Kill Kar II: Revenge

date: December 5, 2009

The first few levels were a blast. The upgradable car, the over-the-top splattering of little cartoon guys, even the little touch of leaving bloody skid marks. The graphics are perfect for the game, and being able to turn the music off makes it a non-issue.

However, the race levels make my head hurt. While the controls (are they reversed or something? They feel inverted, like left makes the car go right?) are fine on the kill-everybody levels - where an uncontrolled powerslide can result in a dozen spattered bodies flying all over the arena - they are infuriating on the race levels. This has nothing to do with skill, and everything to do with watching my car spin in circles while I try to figure out how to use the handbrake to turn properly. I'd love this game if there were no race levels, or else if the car didn't control like an air hockey puck on teflon.

Score: 4

"Well, it *is* four years old..."

submission: Lone Faction

date: August 12, 2008

... but I probably wouldn't have been too impressed four years ago either. Clunky controls (why can't I aim *up*?) and aggravating enemy placement made this hard to play for even a little while (I especially like how many enemies float just above your line of gunfire but not quite high enough that you can reliably hit them while jump-firing). Not terribly good.

Score: 7

"It's alright."

submission: Arcane

date: June 14, 2008

The voice acting made me cringe (and giggle at the whispered "ARMOR COLLECTA!" at the title screen) but the other sound effects were serviceable. The looping techno gets old, though. My only major complaint is with how random the damage is - I'd nail a bot six times in a row, solid hits each time, block a dozen return strikes and then abruptly get one-shotted into oblivion. Very frustrating especially when there's a three-way fight and one bot holds on with almost no health for a ridiculous period, one-shot-killing you each time you respawn.

Score: 0

"Not to belabor the obvious..."

submission: My Swearing Computer

date: June 12, 2008

... but you did submit a Flash made with a trial version of a program. That alone is pretty bad, but the art, sound and plot were all pretty weak as well.

Score: 0

"..."

submission: Shithead rage

date: June 12, 2008

So the sound and movements are basically taken directly from the Xiao Xiao series. The only thing apparently different is that the sticks are all clustered together in a row, there's no music, and the victim sticks have brown heads.

Score: 0

"Oh good..."

submission: RPG master The Urflegarf

date: June 12, 2008

... another "funny" "rpg" Flash "game" that is full of "jokes." In all seriousness, this is bad. The graphics are stick figures, the text is difficult to read and full of grammatical errors... in fact, the only thing here that's even presentable is the music, and someone else provided that.

Score: 5

"Well."

submission: Sonata in Scarf Major

date: June 12, 2008

I can't rate it too high because it felt extremely incomplete. Still, there were some solid elements present; the scarf was an interesting mechanic, and the graphics - while simple - were solid. However, there's no music, no real goals other than to get to the end of the (singular) level, and it was very short. I do hope that this will lead to a more complete game in the future, as what you have right now already looks promising.

Score: 4

"Wow."

submission: war of gasoline

date: June 12, 2008

I'm not going to sit here and analyze your scheme for validity or point fingers for what country is most responsible for the current gas prices. I will however recommend that you consider hiring a translator, since I can only assume that English is not your first language. The message of the Flash is lost when the onscreen text ranges from comedic Engrish to just incomprehensible.

Score: 3

"Congratulations..."

submission: Pimp My Porche

date: June 12, 2008

... you figured the way to make a dress-up-game-for-dudes that doesn't actually involve naked women. However, there's no sound, very little interactivity, and really nothing else going on other than being a KiSS paper doll of a car.